Since I’ve started this journey to chase my calling (figure out what it was, develop it into a vision, etc.) I’ve heard and read about the massive amount of struggle that one must endure in order to realize their dreams. I’ve encountered it first hand several times, in fact, and there’s been plenty of times where it seemed that I started too late or that I’m just not one of those people who ever sees the kind of success you hear about from others. But, of course, I tell myself two things:
1st, almost all of the greats say this is normal what I’m going through. Doubt, struggle, skepticism from friends and family, financial hardships, etc. It’s a roller coaster ride and you have to embrace the struggle and push through the other side. “This too shall pass!”
2nd, and this is my default, I simply have no choice. When I started, I gave up everything I had built with the exception being my family. I made a commitment at that moment to see the process through even though at the time I had no idea of the cost to me mentally and financially.
Then, of course, Julie decided to go on her own journey. I think it’s awesome! But the timing could have been better…. well, for me, anyway. But it is what it is. We’ll figure it out and each of us will become successful in chasing our dreams and fulfilling our calling. We need faith.
Yesterday things got really interesting. Julie was helping her mother with a doctor’s visit and on her way out the door tripped and fell into the railing on the porch. She broke both of her ankles. As I’m writing this, she’s having surgery on one. The other, and I hate to say “thankfully,” but… thankfully the other is “only” a hairline fracture.
There’s no way she’s going to be able to put weight on the one she’s having surgery on for at least 6 weeks, and having the other in a cast means having to put very little weight on that as well. However, our house is not situated without stairs. Worse, the porch was build over the original steps and the sidewalk to the front door is half covered by it, so we only have the breezeway as an option for someone who’s handicapped. Making matters worse, it’s in disrepair. While I did update the material of the steps and porch to Trex for this portion of the porch, the railing is not pressure treated and they used finish nails to put it together – which of course are rusted and falling apart. The entire railing will have to be replaced and now we need a ramp.
I asked Gemini for some ideas on cost and ultimately landed on some options like Way Finders to help with cost, but to give you all an idea: because I’ve been trying to help Julie with her dept, my own financing options are not great and ultimately we’re both in debt up to our eyeballs. The cost of adding a ramp, according to Gemini, could range from $4k to $12k depending on material, permits, and labor. While I could build something, in order to make sure it’s ADA compliant, it should either be done by a contractor or something that’s prefabricated. Either way, the cost is still very high.
So you can imagine: our dreams are starting to crumble before our eyes. And so, I’m going back to my second conversation with myself: “I just don’t have a choice.” But it’s hard to imagine things ending well with this much weight….